No one tells you that part of getting older is watching your circle of friends shrink. Sometimes it’s slow — a text thread that goes quiet, a dinner that never gets rescheduled. Sometimes it’s sudden — a fallout, a loss, or just a slow fading of energy for relationships that no longer fit.
In my 30s, 40s, and some of my 50s, I was surrounded by people — colleagues, collaborators, school moms, extended family, parent groups. My phone buzzed. My calendar overflowed. But busy is not the same as bonded. And now, as I approach 60, I find myself craving fewer connections, but deeper ones.
Years ago, I remember someone explaining that friendships were like traveling down a river on a boat. You make stops. Some people get off, and some climb on. Some people stay.
Some of the people I thought would be in my life forever quietly stepped off the path. No fights. No drama. Just ... space. I miss some of them. Others, I realize, were never meant to make the full trip. And that’s not failure. That’s just life doing what life does — clearing room for what’s next.
What’s left now feels more grounded.
The friends who’ve stayed — or newly arrived — are the ones I can text at midnight or sit in silence with. They ask how I’m really doing. They don’t need me to perform, fix, or prove anything. We talk about aging parents and changing bodies. We talk about our children making their way into the world as adults. I listen to our conversations and realize how strange and beautiful it is to still be becoming.
My circle is smaller, yes. But it’s stronger. Softer. Smarter. It doesn’t demand as much — but it gives more.
These days, most of my circle lives thousands of miles away. That part’s hard. But we do as much as we can to stay connected. One of my tribe members is my business partner, and she probably hears more from me than she wants, which I’m fine with. I have also been lucky enough to have a new arrival drop in. I have a feeling she’s here to stay.
Then there’s my family — five sisters — a circle unto its own. They aren’t allowed to get off at any stop. They’re in it for the long haul.
If your circle has shifted, you’re not alone. If you’re feeling lonely, you’re not broken. If you’re craving something more — more honest, more mutual, more aligned — that’s not selfish. That’s wisdom.
So here’s your question for the week:
Who’s in your circle now — and who do you want to invite in?
I’d love to hear how your relationships have changed — or stayed rock-solid — as you’ve grown. Let’s talk about it.
Rindraty Limtiaco is Not Done Yet.
Real News for Real People — Not Partisans
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