Pain Has a Sneaky Way of Shrinking Your World

In eight days, my life changes — at least, that’s what I’m hoping.

I decided to move forward with my knee replacement surgery, and I’m kind of a nervous mess – not all the time, just in moments when I start thinking too hard about it.

I don’t think that’s abnormal — the nervousness. But it’s not fun, nonetheless.

In the meantime, I am one busy woman.

I’ve been working on my cookbook project. It’s officially my first book, and only I would choose a cookbook.

The writing is done. Now, we are in the testing/photo shoot/video content phase. That is a lot of work. But it’s good work and it’s satisfying work, not because I love doing all this, but because it’s working toward an end goal, which I’m really proud of.

I’m learning so many things that I didn’t know how to do. Things I used to tell other people to do in my past life, and now I realize how tough they actually are in my chapter 2. For example, I’d love to have a professional photographer shooting the photos, but I don’t. I am learning to perfect the art of shooting food, styling table settings and recording video blogs on my own. Truthfully, I love it.

There’s nothing like learning a new skill. I am accepting that the videos I shoot toward the end will be much better than what they look like at the beginning of documenting this process, but that’s life. In fact, that’s a great lesson in life. We learn as we do, and we get better at it.

Maybe that’s why this cookbook project matters so much to me right now. It reminds me that I’m still building things, still learning, still moving forward even while my body is demanding attention.

The truth is, I’ve quietly been adjusting my life around this knee for a while now. Parking closer. Sitting sooner. Mentally calculating how far I’ll have to walk before agreeing to plans. Pain has a sneaky way of shrinking your world little by little until you don’t realize how much you’ve given up.

I’ve talked about this surgery for a while, and it’s time.

I’m looking forward to having a working knee that allows me to walk the streets of Paris and Tokyo with my husband and sisters and just enjoy the adventure — not having to give up and grab an Uber after 10 minutes on uneven cobblestone.

I’m not looking forward to the rehab. I’ve read up on the process so that I can be as prepared as possible, but you can’t always prepare for everything. I’m giving myself grace in knowing I’ll probably be a bit wimpy at times, but that’s ok. I just need to keep looking forward and put in the work for the best outcome possible.

I know there will be hard days during recovery. I’ll probably complain. I may even cry once or twice during physical therapy. But future me is already waiting on those Paris streets, and I owe her this chance.

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